The Conditioning That Makes Us Forget

From the moment we’re born, we’re conditioned (by parents, schools, society, media, culture) to believe certain narratives about who we are and what’s possible for us.

Some of this conditioning is helpful. It teaches us how to function in the world, how to stay safe, how to connect with others.

But much of it becomes limiting. We internalize messages that constrain our sense of agency:

“You’re not smart enough for that.”
“People like us don’t do things like that.”
“It’s too late to change.”
“You don’t have a choice.”

These narratives become neural pathways. The more we repeat them, the more automatic they become. And eventually, we stop questioning them altogether. We accept them as truth rather than recognizing them as programming.

This is what Positive Intelligence founder Shirzad Chamine calls “Saboteurs”: the voices in your head that generate stress and negative emotions, sabotaging your potential for both happiness and performance [1] These internal critics convince you that you’re powerless, that your circumstances are fixed, that there are no good choices available to you.

But here’s the liberating truth: even when circumstances are genuinely difficult, you still have some level of control and autonomy.

There likely is another choice—albeit it may not be what you had hoped. Still, taking the better choice in any difficult situation will allow you to dig yourself out of a hole and continue to rise.

The Neuroscience of Choice (And Why It Matters)

Recent neuroscience research has sparked fascinating debates about free will. Some studies suggest that brain activity precedes conscious awareness of decisions, leading some to claim free will is an illusion [2].

But here’s what this research actually reveals: much of our behavior is driven by unconscious, automatic processes. Neural pathways laid down through years of conditioning fire before we consciously register making a choice.

This doesn’t mean free will doesn’t exist. It means most people aren’t actively exercising it.

Think about it: if your responses are automatic—triggered by old conditioning, fear, stress, or survival mode—are you really choosing? Or are you just reacting?

True free will requires consciousness. Awareness. The ability to pause between stimulus and response and ask: “What do I actually want to choose here?”

As Viktor Frankl famously wrote: “Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.”

The question becomes: How do we access that space? How do we interrupt the automatic patterns and reclaim conscious choice?

Mental Fitness: Training Your Brain to Choose

This is where mental fitness comes in, and why I’ve found it to be one of the most powerful tools for reclaiming your free will.

Mental fitness, as defined by Positive Intelligence, is your capacity to respond to life’s challenges with a positive mindset rather than a negative one. It’s measured by your PQ (Positive Intelligence Quotient): the percentage of time your mind is serving you versus sabotaging you.

Research shows that teams and individuals with higher PQ perform 30-35% better on average and report being far happier and less stressed [3]. But the deeper benefit is this: mental fitness gives you back your agency.

When you’re mentally fit, you’re not reacting from autopilot. You’re responding from conscious awareness. You’re exercising free will.

Here’s how it works:

1. Identify Your Saboteurs

Your Saboteurs are the voices that convince you that you’re powerless. Common ones include:

• The Judge: Constantly criticizing yourself and others, reinforcing the belief that nothing is good enough
• The Victim: Convincing you that everything happens to you and you have no control
• The Controller: Making you believe you must control everything or disaster will strike
• The Avoider: Keeping you from making hard choices by focusing on the positive to the point of denial
• The Pleaser: Telling you that your worth depends on others’ approval, limiting your authentic choices

These aren’t just cute names for personality quirks. They’re the result of factor analysis research that has identified neural patterns that hijack your prefrontal cortex (the part of your brain responsible for executive function, reasoning, and conscious decision-making).

2. Strengthen Your Sage

Your Sage is the part of your brain that handles challenges with a clear, calm mind and positive emotions. It accesses five primary powers:

• Empathize: Understand yourself and others with compassion
• Explore: Approach situations with curiosity rather than judgment
• Innovate: Generate creative solutions
• Navigate: Choose the path aligned with your values
• Activate: Take decisive action without self-sabotage

When you operate from your Sage, you’re exercising true free will. You’re choosing consciously rather than reacting automatically.

3. Build the Self-Command Muscle

The bridge between Saboteur and Sage is your self-command muscle: your ability to pause, interrupt the automatic response, and choose differently.

This isn’t built through willpower alone. It’s built through practice. Neuroscience shows that consistent, repeated practice creates new neural pathways [4]. In as little as 21 days, you can begin rewiring your brain for greater agency.

PQ Reps (simple 10-second exercises that shift your attention to your body and senses) strengthen this muscle. They pull you out of automatic mode and into conscious awareness, that space between stimulus and response where free will lives.

“Whether You Think You Can or Can’t, You’re Right”

Henry Ford’s famous quote isn’t just motivational fluff. It’s neuroscience.

Your beliefs shape your neural pathways. Your neural pathways determine your automatic responses. Your automatic responses shape your choices. Your choices create your reality.

If you believe you have no choice, your brain will filter for evidence that confirms it. You’ll see obstacles, not opportunities. You’ll feel trapped, not empowered.

But if you believe you have agency, even in difficult circumstances, your brain will search for possibilities. You’ll find options you couldn’t see before. You’ll act from empowerment rather than victimhood.

Please don’t confuse this with spiritual bypassing or toxic positivity. It’s not about pretending difficult things aren’t difficult. It’s about recognizing that even in genuinely hard situations, you still have choices about how you respond. 

You can’t always control what happens to you. But you can control what you do with it.

Instead of beating yourself up, you can interpret the pain as a message, and use it as fuel to problem solve. 

It Takes Intentional Rewiring

Here’s what nobody tells you about reclaiming free will: it takes work.

Years of conditioning don’t dissolve overnight. Neural pathways don’t rewire themselves without consistent practice. Saboteurs don’t just disappear because you learned about them.

This requires intentionality. Commitment. Daily practice.

But here’s the beautiful part: once you start, the momentum builds. Each time you pause before reacting, you strengthen the neural pathway. Each time you choose your Sage over your Saboteur, you expand your sense of agency. Each time you act from conscious choice rather than automatic conditioning, you exercise your free will.

And slowly, you remember: you’ve always had this power. You just forgot you did.

Your Invitation to Reclaim Your Agency

The path to mindfulness is not linear, and there are tons of modalities that can be helpful: faith and religious based practices, spiritual devotion, mind-body work like yoga and tai chi, philosophical discourse, community work, creative pursuits, nature therapy, and many others.

It’s not just about feeling better (though you will). It’s about becoming more fully yourself. More conscious. More free.

It’s about closing the gap between the life you’re living and the life you’re capable of creating.

Because the truth is: you’re not stuck. You’re not powerless. You’re not without options.

You have free will. And it’s time to start using it.

Ready to Build Your Mental Fitness?

If you’re reading this and feeling that pull—that recognition that you’ve been operating on autopilot, that you’ve forgotten you have choices, that you’re ready to reclaim your agency—I invite you to explore mental fitness as a path forward.

To strengthen your self-command muscle, identify your Saboteurs, and reclaim conscious choice in your life, consider these next steps:

→ Discover Your PQ Score and Learn About Mental Fitness

→ Read: Want to Be Happy? Mental Fitness May Help

→ Schedule a Free Clarity Session

Your greatest superpower is waiting. Let’s help you remember how to use it.

References:

1. Chamine, Shirzad. 2012. Positive Intelligence: Why Only 20% of Teams and Individuals Achieve Their True Potential—and How You Can Achieve Yours. Chapter 1.
2. Lavazza, Andrea. 2016. “Free Will and Neuroscience: From Explaining Freedom Away to New Ways of Operationalizing and Measuring It.” Frontiers in Human Neuroscience 10 (June): 262. https://doi.org/10.3389/fnhum.2016.00262.
3. Puah, Shermain, Ching Yee Pua, Jing Shi, and Sok Mui Lim. 2024. “The Effectiveness of a Digital Mental Fitness Program (Positive Intelligence) on Perceived Stress, Self-Compassion, and Ruminative Thinking of Occupational Therapy Undergraduate Students: Longitudinal Study.” Journal of Medical Internet Research 26 (October): e49505. https://doi.org/10.2196/49505.
4. Buccella, Alessandra, and Tomáš Dominik. 2025. “Free Will Is Only an Illusion if You Are, Too.” Scientific American, May 29, 2025. https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/free-will-is-only-an-illusion-if-you-are-too/.